How to Crap All Over a Product Launch, by Microsoft Corp.
I can’t help but post this here.
John Gruber (of Daring Fireball) and Brian Tiemann (grotto11) were on a roll a few days ago, and I would be doing GF readers a disservice if I didn’t share a few things that these two were talking about:
- Gruber might have the funniest and most apropos headline I’ve read in years on a single topic.
- Brian Tiemann’s is a close second.
- Oh, yeah, the topic itself.
It appears that Microsoft has secretly seeded 100 pink Zunes into the market so that very lucky, very unsuspecting buyers will get in a car to drive somewhere to get their presumably brown Zune, buy it, drive back home, open the package, and realize they have a pink Zune instead. Apparently, on Planet Microsoft, this is very cool marketing and not at all a way to piss off customers and shit all over a product launch any more than you already have.
Unreal. Someone up high at Microsoft is approving these decisions, and…I just don’t know what to say. I just don’t.
Think you can do better? Here, look at this and tell me you’re not dumbfounded:
Don’t forget: if you see this, you’re lucky! You win!
Ebay’s gonna have a field day with these.
Technorati Tags: Microsoft, Zune
“Don’t forget: if you see this you’re lucky! You win!”
1st prize: A Pink Zune
2nd Prize: Two Pink Zunes
LOLLLLLLL!
Microshit…what can you do. It’s who they are and what they seem uber proud to be.
“Welcome to the Barbie.”
Hm. No wonder they named it Zune–which apparently means “Fuck!” in Hebrew.
http://herenot.livejournal.com/29371.html
It sounds like the word for “screw” in Hebrew, but it’s French-Canadian slang for… basically the general genital region. I guess. I don’t know, I’m an English-Canadian, we’re a totally different talking ape.
“A Microsoft spokeswoman in Montreal told CanWest News Service that ‘it was pointed out to us’ during focus groups in the province that the proposed brand name sounded much like a French-Canadian term used as a euphemism for penis or vagina.”
http://www.etre.com/blog/2006/09/quebec_sniggers_at_zune/
I guess the Pink Zune would be the feminine.
I think Microsoft just got too cocky… I mean, they’ve been screwing us for so long it probably just seemed logical for them to launch a product and name it “penis screwed vagina”.
Apparently, Microsuck is also so stupid that it is trying to get people to use the “cool” term “squirt” for wirelessly beaming songs between Zunes.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15784301/site/newsweek/
oh squirt me squirt me!
Duh
http://www.macdailynews.com/index.php/weblog/comments/microsofts_ballmer_zune_device_not_money_loser/
featherseeds — while there is some truth being similar *sounding* to “zoune” and “bizoune”, which are French-Candadian slang that refers to genitalia, that’s quite a stretch. It’s very, very much slang and not at all part of standard French-Canadian vocabulary. MS did extensive customer research in Quebec.
So yeah, this double entendre sort of exists, but nowhere near what most people want to believe.
Me — I happen to agree with you. “Squirt/squirting” is stupid. MS is trying to hard to be hip, which, if you’ve read my many criticisms of the Zune launch campaign, is nothing new.
Sometimes less is more.
+70% of tech products are bought be men
+80% of the early adopters are men
+99% of the adult male population wouldn’t be cought dead with a pink music player
Yay! Way to go microsoft! You go girls!
Please squirt me with your zune!
i’d still take that pink over the shit brown…
OHhh Doug… what I would not give to have you squirt that at me… Please Doug Please… I must have it… Ohhh Ohh Oh… please.. squirt it all! ohhh that’s it…it’s coming….
Or!
Oh so you want me to squirt you… oh that’s all I need…. oh yeah…oh yes… oh yeess… that it’s .. come a little closer… yeahh… i’ve got it..got it… i’m coming…
Or!
Who Bill Gates? you know that in the office all us executives always referred to him as a warning ‘here comes the squrit!’ so it was quite natural and comfortable for us to be in such close marketing quarters with the word squrit. Not at all a silly name. Wouldn’t you agree my good friend, Biggus Dickus?
OHhh Doug… what I would not give to have you squirt that at me… Please Doug Please… I must have it… Ohhh Ohh Oh… please.. squirt it all! ohhh that’s it…it’s coming….
Or!
Oh so you want me to squirt you… oh that’s all I need…. oh yeah…oh yes… oh yeess… that it’s .. come a little closer… yeahh… i’ve got it..got it… i’m coming…
Or!
Who Bill Gates? you know that in the office all us executives always referred to him as a warning ‘here comes the squrit!’ so it was quite natural and comfortable for us to be in such close marketing quarters with the word squrit. Not at all a silly name. Wouldn’t you agree my good friend, Biggus Dickus?
..sorry on the double post..
Seems as though there trying to target the teenager emo market.o_0
How to crap all over other people’s hard work…
I hope you got permission to steal your blog banner and avatars from smashmethod’s diviantART.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/15235548/
I think wanna-be marketing tactics like this are due to the management being filled with people who recently have had children and are so enamoured by them that they want to appease them in any way possible – including developing products and marketing schemes to attract their children – even with products meant for a completely different target audience. The launch and marketing of Zune is juvenile at best. Its frustrating, my boss changed our marketing to target a new, younger audience(his son at that time was 6) – only problem I saw was that the key demographic for the product is 34 to 55 y.o. males with a college education. One ad actually dissed a segment of our target – because, as he said, those people were “losing their cool.”
Come on MS, that’s really poor. If I was stupid enough to go out and buy a Zune in the first place, I’d be even more pissed off if I got it home to find it was gay! Pink Zune? It’s not even the nice soft baby pink my wife would go for.
I think MS should stick to what they know.. but then again if that was so, people would be unwhittingly beaming, sorry, squirting viruses to eachother on the train.
On the theme of silly names and something that nobody has mentioned yet, Zune sounds exactly like the Dutch word for kiss. But don’t tell Microsoft, ‘cos that’s actually verging on cool!
I think the Zune is great to be honest. And my 80gig video ipod will be staying in the cupboard so long as my Zune is keeping me as entertained as it is!
Squirt at me with your big Zune?
Once they found out what zune was a euphemism for, they figured they would go all the way.
Johnny, quit squirting your punk all over myy nice clean zune.
Well we all know its just a matter of time before the ill fated piece of Zune meets its demise. Im fairly certain that no one other than Micro-trying to get a piece of the market but our product is-Soft, wants this lame piece of equipment to survive. Let them make all the mistakes then can so that we all can get on with the rest of our lives, all while jamming out with I-Pods. Yeah baby I swear it, the Zune aint my bag baby.
Digg — actually, two things.
Number one, thanks for referring me to the artist who created my header graphic. I’ve been looking for him, and I even make my plea that if you know who did the artwork, please let me know.
Next time, read my FAQ before getting all indignant.
Hey douche, look at eBay. $590 currently for a pink zune, so I don’t think I’d complain.
And this is supposed to be an iPod killer? What a joke… Luckily I’m still safe here in Zune-less Europe
Or more likely than an appearance on Ebay, an indignant trip back to the store to return the customer’s “defective” product.
What the heck was Microsoft thinking?
Umm — I said in my post that eBay’s going to have a field day with these.
I don’t think that’s what MS was shooting for: to create a spectacle on eBay to get everyone out rushing to find a pink Zune.
And if it was, well the joke’s on us.
so will you remove the banner from your website?
Jeff. I mean this as friendly advice. If you’re feelings really are:
“please let me know so that I can contact him/her and obtain official permission. I love the image.”
Then you shouldnt have it as your banner/icon. I am sure it seems harmless, but think about it. You are a blogger. You post stories and you hope that some of those stories take off and are read by huge number of people. So thousands of people associate that art with your site. Honestly you are diminishing the value of his work without his permission. Do you think he will be excited when he has a gallery showing and someone points at his painting and says “Hey, its the Graceful Flavor logo!” I don’t want to be too snarky. I just want you to know the artist deserves to decide.
if you buy a zoon you’re a fucking spastic
pink or brown, shove it up your arse i say
Jeff Ventura,
Not knowing the original author of a protected item doesn’t give you the right or make it right to use it before you get permission. You even said you downloaded it from a site while snagging wallpapers.
All — I have contacted smashmethod to obtain his permission. In reading these comments, I think you raise valid points. I don’t know what the actual law is regarding art that’s available from the public domain, and I really don’t care. If smashmethod doesn’t want me to use his art, even though I’d link to and cite him in whatever way he saw fit, then I will remove it.
Thanks, everyone, for the comments.
“I don’t think that’s what MS was shooting for: to create a spectacle on eBay to get everyone out rushing to find a pink Zune.”
It’s all about the column inches.
You’ll note that by executing this boneheaded Pepto-Bismol-Pink-Zune maneuver, MS has managed to get the word ‘Zune’ used ANOTHER hundred thousand times in the general press, and has probably convinced half of the eBay-using population that there’s money to be made selling allegedly-collectible Zune gear.
The eBay Beanie Baby Frenzy of the late ’90s may have been the stupidest event of the last 300 years, but it certainly didn’t hurt sales or product recognition of Beanie Babies.
Will — you know what? You’re right. The more I think about this, the more I wonder if MS will benefit from the Law of Unintended Consequences. If bad press is better than no press, especially during the holiday season, then…hmm.
Publicity can be found in such accidental ways.
That’s no prize. Now if you bought a Zune, opened the package and there were an iPod inside…that would be a prize.
Consumer laws in california protect against this. It’s false advertising. Anyone who has a pink zune, is entitled to a second one free in the color they paid for.
Now take the pink one and sell it on ebay, payday!
My bipolar self had mentally prepared myself for a shitty one, if I get a pink one I may accidentally fall into a homicidal rage.
Pink Zune #8 is on sale at Ebay:
http://cgi.ebay.com/Microsoft-Zune-Pink-Limited-Edition-8-of-100-NIB_W0QQitemZ320057234768QQihZ011QQcategoryZ147175QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
Russell — As Steve points out just below your comment, you might make a lot of money on your pink Zune *then* fall into a homicidal rage.
Boss — lol. But I suspect if you were buying a Zune, you already don’t want an iPod for god knows what reason.
eonkid — yes, I am going to remove the header graphic from Graceful Flavor. It’s not worth the trouble, and I will find something for which I have explicit permission.
haha i like it!
Actually, I have hear this is a good product.
Make that heard.
Whatever.
John — I don’t think the Zune is a *bad* product in the absolute sense. I just don’t think it’s any iPod de-throner.
Is de-throner a word? It is now.
Jeff, not to criticize, but it almost sounded like you meant to say that if something is on the web, it must be in the public domain, which of course it is not. All you have to do is assert your copyright (ie., add a line to a web page saying “Contents of this page are Copyright (c) 2006 by My Name except where otherwise indicated.”) and you are covered.
If the artist in question had that kind of notice on their page, you should have asked permission first. If they didn’t, it would still be polite to do so. Even if they do give permission, it would be good form to give them a credit in the alt tag and in a little text line at the bottom of the graphic itself.
Scott M — I don’t take what you’re saying as criticism. No worries.
I didn’t know who did the artwork I previously had up as my header graphic until today. I found it on my local HD in a desktop images folder, where I keep a great number of very good images for my desktop wallpaper. I decided I liked a certain one and used it as my header graphic.
Simultaneous to that, I searched for the picture’s filename as it was when I downloaded it. I couldn’t find it, so I put something in my FAQ asking readers to point me to the artist who created it, because I wanted to get in touch with him/her to get permission to use the image.
Earlier this evening, I contacted the artist and he wasn’t interested in granting permission, so, at his request, I removed it.
No big deal. As you can plainly see, I’ve moved to another graphic, and I’m seeking a custom header to be made.
Thanks for your comments. I would have taken your suggestions if I had known who the artist of my previous header pic was in the first place.
nice comments! vista for business? do businesses realize any ROI for such an acquisition? i mean, aint XP + some open source utilities enough? hmmmm..
I think zune is not a bad choice.
I think the Zune is great to be honest.
Why not buy a Toshiba.. now do they do them in pink? Toshiba should get the recognition if you like the player not microsoft as it is not theirs but a rebranded toshiba..
IPOD ROOLZ ZUNE DROOLZ M I RITE
Oh, look! The link spammers like the zune. Why does this not surprise me?
-jcr
Hey it’s Winter you need a Zube not a Zune: http://www.paydenspharmacy.co.uk/product.asp?parent_id=2064&dept_id=3444&sku=10580Q
be careful just like a pink Zune these may cause allergic reactions.
I’d be pissed if I bought what I thought was a BLUE zune and opened up the pkg, only to find PINK! Blue is my happy color.
Ok… so the pink zune is a bad idea, I’m a girl, and I like stuff and I love gadgets but I hate pink… but let’s get real here people, the alternative, the norm, is BROWN?
So… run the choice by me again, Clive Sinclair 1970s BROWN the colour of pooh or Dildo Pink….
Hmm… do they do any other colours or are they going to throw in a can of black or gunmetal spray paint with each one….?
Pink? Gross! Brown? Ack.
Since Apple claimed all the fun happy colors with their iPod and iMacs, maybe Microsoft figured they had to stand out somehow, and picked up what was left…which is unfortunately the not so happy colors. Now they’ll just have to hope that Retro will be back…
babychaos — pink I can see for the female demographic. That makes sense. Brown, like I said in my post…well, I just don’t get it.
…and the pink one isn’t even that nice. maybe they should have put out a crystal one or something.
Haha. I can remember one marketing campaign from milk producer in Poland. If you found green milk instead of white then you’ve won.
Michael — won what? Dysentery?
By the way Jeff, I think it is cool of to read and consider your comments. I also think your blog full of great content. Keep up the good work.
Dave — man, thanks a lot. I really appreciate that. GF is young, but I’d like it to go places.
Thanks again. Very cool of you.
Henceforth, Britney Spears will be referred to as, “flashing the pink Zune” when climbing in and out of a car. It’s not the make or model you really wanted, but you’ll look out of curiosity, regardless…
http://markdaycomedy.wordpress.com/2006/12/03/britney-spears-mel-gibson-and-the-joys-of-no-underwear/
BrotherStefan: Then I want second prize so I can actually file share with someone!
Jarod: Will someone please let me back up my files and then take away this Dell I am really ashamed of using now. Anyway… MicroWho? Death to microsoft!!*
StartlingMonkier(sp?): Yes. And Barbie isn’t that popular either. Maybe if they were pink-lilac, we could at least give them the privlege to be called, “welcome to the Bratz.”
B: Er…
feartheseeds: Um…
Me: Ouch. Can they get much stupider?
that hurts: Eek…
Master: Where did you get those stats?
AL: Pink. No, I think the emo ppl. would want red (bloodred) or black.
AJ: Squirt that to me with your kiss? That’s just STUPID.
Cameron: And your Zune holds how much? I’m happy with my iPod, meself. I’d just like it to be 80GB. You had an 80GB VIDEO IPOD, and you ABANDONED IT? GIVE ME IT!!!!
Ok, I’m done talking. Spam bots like this it seems.
I don’t see why anyone would want a Zune that’s the color of my hair, minus the semi-highlights thigies that actually make my hair kind of pretty. Ew… Poo zone. Only… if it was dog poo, judging by some of my dogs, it would be green.
Yuck…
*Slogan on some shirts MartinWilliams employees made as a joke.
even though the pink zune looks ugly, it would sell in reality. A lot of people dig the pink color.
iPod vs. Zune Haiku
Your music really
sounds all that much sweeter on
which player’s earbuds?
Dude zune sounds like crap to me and pink???what da hell is wrong with microsoft more like mega-squirt just to go with the new product the d!ck….Oops i mean the zune, gr8 blog jeff gr8 comments too lol. zune**zube**lube**poop colour in the end it all comes down to a.s.s lol
I bought a Zune and thought it would be great, but I was very disappointed. I hate Macs so I figured try the Microsoft one they never give you any problems. It only supports 4 file types. What a rip-off, no AVI support without a registry hack, which then uses the worst conversion I have ever seen and taking 3 hours to convert an hour movie. I have a Dual-Core Intel (1.6 slow but hey I’m broke) and is relatively fast. It doesn’t even support all of MS’s own file types. And NO LOSELESS file type support (wav, ogg). Won’t even accept them. You spend forever converting a video and them delete it from your HD to save space, and it deletes it from your Zune (this has happened w/o me deleting anything). You can’t even turn it off when it’s plugged in and the “Zune Client” automatically pops up and syncs when you connect.
I hate Macs Microsoft, but I’m thinking about getting an iPod
I would love to see someone (including MS) come out with a hack or update to get a disable option for the auto-sync and also gets some on Zune codecs (I am willing to give up even a full gig for support to save my HD). If anyone sees these please post a link.
(Sorry for the double post, I don’t know how to join them into one.)
TK- Why do you hate Macs? Just curious. Have you used them much? They’ve gotten much better as unix-based OS X has evolved. Sorry your Zune sucks. The iPod is not something that Microsoft could ever hope to copy. Though they did a really nice job Apple-izing Windows in Vista (in the UI design).
I have to use Macs everyday at school, and my step-dad made the mistake of buying one to see how it was. They are incredible slow and unreliable in my opinion. I had a 5 year old PC, that runs circles around my school’s top on the line (at the time) 2 year old macs, and the one we got we never use and is pretty much worthless. In my opinion, Macs are over-priced and slow, but have improved by using unix (i have never used this OS but have heard VERY good things about it). Vista did steal some parts of the Mac interface with Vista, but hey no one can be wrong all the time
Apparently you know how to crap on the WWW and call it a blog.
You say you are at a loss for words. Yet you continue to spew forth the asinine drivel which contradicts that statement.
After getting bored and doing some in-depth forum searching, have found methods to fix some of my problems. To disable Auto-Sync, plugin in your Zune, click stop sync (or wait for it to sync), then click on sync options>Zune Name>Disable Auto Sync. I also read that you can change teh extension of an avi file (others too, but I don’t remember them) to wmv before syncing them, and the zune software will convert them. This did not work for me, but I figured I would share this for others to try and see if it works for them. I have also heard of battery and screen problems, but have had not problems with my Zune.
k3ngJR I put together a show of about forty photographs at a frame shop. I invent a unique way of mounting the pictures, flush on aluminum with a spacing device to move the picture out from the wall. This way of framing has never been done before, at least in our area. (Now I see it all the time on styrafoam board.) The show is a wild success with about a hundred people at the opening including the former director of the Playhouse 90 series on TV (a teacher in my department) who loves my work and brings the Chairman of the Art Department with him.
people wonder why the entire world hates the american population.
maybe its because our seemingly adults have nothing better to do with their time then trash a product cause its n0t an ipod.
go zune
Macs for multimedia design are godly, yes, but for anything else they r crap. The interface couldnt be more irritating if they had tried to make it worse, and I constantly get anoyed at the endless amount of limitations in the OS’s capabilities.
iPod = God. Doesnt really need explaining further. Only floors would be limited to itunes but i dont mind that, and how they store your files on the ipod and make it really hard to recover songs off the ipod.
Oh yeah and no one wants silver ipod classics, well almost no one. Its at least 3 out of 4 people who want black. black is cool.
Zune = crap. 3″ screen whooptyfuckingdo. Ipod touch filled that market gap for ipod. And wifi with more limitations than you can poke a stick at.
brown?…limited edition pink??? yeah no thanks.
No the only true contender againts the iPod is Creative’s players. Hurry up ur asses and bring out a Zen to match the 80 of ipod already.
I think Zune is the best choice. You can not find such features in any other product.
its all true i worked there and its all true
I totally agree with Andrew. Zune is the best.
I think ipod is much better and attractive than zune.
Zune is not a bad choice. it is very attractive in pink.
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